Namesakes in Gaza: Carrying the Martyrs with us in Diaspora

( Globalvioices.org ) – When the list of people killed was released from the Gaza Ministry of Health, I couldn’t help but search for my name. How many of me did I find? The first time I checked, in November 2023, there were 19 of me killed — later, that number grew to over 50 known killed Safas, ranging from ages 1 to 82.

How are we connected? And what will they teach me without us meeting? 

A Palestinian duality

I’ve often felt pulled in two directions — a duality I feel as a Palestinian in the diaspora: yearning and anguish. On the one hand, a yearning to have had childhood memories in Palestine — why not me? On the other hand, an anguish at the thought of what could have been had our family fled to Gaza and it were me there right now — what if it had been me?

Why not me?

I often imagine what my life could have been like if I had had childhood memories in Palestine … especially in my fantasy of a free Palestine. Maybe we would have visited the Mediterranean Sea for our family trips.

What if it had been me?

I also often think about how my reality of exile could have been a different fate. Had any of my grandparents made a different decision in 1948 and went south, I could have also been in Gaza right now. 

As the daughter and granddaughter of Palestinian refugees, I’ve often found myself thinking about what my life could have been had they fled south during the Nakba.

We Palestinians in the diaspora have been dealing with survivor’s guilt, especially during the genocide in Gaza. Diana Safieh wrote: “The constant flow of distressing news from Palestine — images of destruction, stories of loss and accounts of human rights abuses — is overwhelming. And I feel guilty mentioning sleeplessness because it’s nothing compared to what people back home are experiencing all the time.” 

Our shared namesake 

It brings me comfort to believe that Safas have a shared connection. While it may be a mere coincidence that we share the same name, I grew up reflecting on the meanings of my name, often. 

There are different ways to translate Safa (spelled in Arabic: صفاء). Depending on who you talk to, it may be translated as “clarity,” “serenity,” or “tranquility.” It’s also one of the most famous holy sites for Muslims on the pilgrimage: Al-Safa and Al-Marwa. Safa shows up in many places, such as the Umm Safa village in Palestine. In southern Syria, there is a volcanic mountain bearing our name.

I’ve often wondered growing up if that clarity, tranquility, and serenity described me or if it was aspirational — something I’d never quite achieve but always try to. Oftentimes, I felt very chaotic, unbalanced, and confused. 

“Namesakes in Gaza,” Digital, Midjourney, 2024.

Were the Safas in Gaza, those who reached my age or older, also confused like I was or did some of them have it all figured out? I especially yearn to speak to 82-year-old Safa. She was just barely older than my mom is now. What were her greatest achievements and most precious memories? What advice would she have given to us other Safas if she were still alive?

Name (AR)	Name (EN)	Gender	Age	Birthdate
صفا سليمان سلمان النجار	Safa Suleiman Salman al-Najar	female	1	2022-04-25
صفا بلال محمد الرملاوى	Safaa Bilal Mohammed Al-Ramlawi	female	2	2021-10-12
صفاء عيسى ياسين السراج	Safaa Issa Yassin Al-Sarraj	male	5	2019-01-01
صفاء خالد جهاد ابوجباره	Safaa Khaled Jehad Abu-jebara	female	5	2018-10-11
صفا مثقال علي ابوسيف	Safa Muthqal Ali Abosaif	female	8	2015-11-03
صفا اسعد علي عروق	Safaa Asaad Ali Arouq	female	9	2014-07-09
صفا علاء عمر النمر	Safaa Alaa Omar Al-Nimr	female	12	2011-05-18
صفاء عدنان عبدالكريم ابومصطفى	Safaa Adnan Abd Al-Karim Abu-Mustafa	female	14	2009-05-10
صفاء شريف محمد الدلو	Safa Sharif Mohammed Al-Dalu	female	14	2009-02-13
صفا ياسر عايدي وافي	Safa Yasser Aidi Wafi	female	16	2008-05-19
صفا ايمن عبدالكريم عماره	Safaa Ayman Abd Al-Karim Amara	female	18	2005-03-03
صفاء خليل عبدالحافظ البغدادي	Safaa Khalil Abd Al-Hafiz Al-Baghdadi	female	18	2005-04-17
صفاء محمد كامل جنديه	Safaa Mohammed Kamel Jundiyeh	female	19	2004-08-19
صفاء محمد يوسف شحيبر	Safaa Mohammed Yusuf Shahibir	female	19	2004-03-05
صفاء جهاد موسى خليفة	Safaa Jihad Mousa Khalifa	female	19	2005-03-18
صفا رافت جاسر الكحلوت	Safa Raafat Jaser Al-Kahlout	male	23	2000-07-23
صفاء عمر حامد البطنيجي	Safaa Omar Hamed Al-Batniji	female	24	1999-11-05
صفاء منذر عبدالحميد زينو	Safaa Munthr Abdalihamaid Zeino	female	25	1998-01-06
صفاء جهاد التلباني	Safaa Jehad Altlbanei	female	25	1999-01-01
صفاء حسن محمد عماره	Safaa Hassan Muhammad Ammarah	female	25	1998-08-14
صفاء اكرم محمد ابوعيش	Safaa Akram Muhammad Abu-aish	female	26	1997-06-20
صفاء نزار جميل حسونة	Safaa Nizar Jameel Hassouna	female	26	1997-01-20
صفاء محمود محمد التترى	Safaa Mahmoud Muhammad Alttra	female	27	1995-10-28
صفاء يوسف فراج فراج	Safaa Youssef Faraj Faraj	female	27	1996-07-12
صفاء جميل محمود موسى	Safaa Jameel Mahmoud Moussa	female	28	1995-03-10
صفاء حسن خليل ابوسيف	Safaa Hassan Khalil Abosaif	female	30	1993-09-10
صفا محمود محمد الشوربجي	Safa Mahmoud Muhammad Alshoarabji	female	30	1993-05-15
صفاء صابر محمود الزريعي	Safaa Sabr Mahmoud Alzriai	female	30	1993-01-11
صفاء فؤاد عبدالكريم كرم	Safa Fawad Abd Al-Karim Karam	female	30	1993-05-12
صفاء سهيل مراد الغندور	Safaa Suhail Marad Alghnadoar	female	31	1991-12-14
صفاء طلال محمد البياع	Safaa Talal Muhammad Albiaa	female	32	1991-06-10
صفاء عبدالرحيم خليل أبوشقرة	Safaa Abdalrahaiam Khalil Aboshqurah	female	33	1990-05-11
صفاء كمال محمد علي ابوكميل	Safaa Kamal Muhammad Ali Abukamil	female	34	1989-05-15
صفاء جمال احمد مشتهى	Safaa Jamal Ahmed Moshtaha	female	34	1989-03-15
صفاء جودت مجدي منصور	Safaa Jodt Mjadi Munasoar	female	36	1988-04-22
صفاء حرب سالم صباح	Safaa Harab Salem Sabah	female	37	1986-09-12
صفاء عبدالسميع يونس الكفارنه	Safaa Abdul-sami Yunus al-Kafarna	female	37	1986-11-28
صفا منصور عبد صبح	Safa Munasoar Abd Sbh	female	38	1985-08-27
صفاء عادل عياده العجله	Safaa Adel Aiadah al-Ajlah	female	38	1986-01-04
صفاء ابراهيم محمد جراده	Safaa Ibrahem Muhammad Jradah	female	39	1984-03-19
صفاء علي محمد ابووردة	Safaa Ali Muhammad Abu-warda	female	39	1984-02-26
صفاء هاني ابراهيم المدهون	Safaa Hani Ibrahem al-Madhoun	female	39	1983-12-09
صفا صهيب حسام الفرا	Safa Suhib Husam al-Farra	female	40	1984-07-04
صفاء محمد أحمد السراج	Safaa Mohammed Ahmed Al-Sarraj	female	41	1982-07-28
صفاء الدين محمد سلمان التلباني	Safaa Addeen Muhammad Salman Altlbanei	male	41	1982-05-24
صفاء نزهات صالح جحا	Safaa Nazuhat Saleh Jha	female	44	1979-10-29
صفاء سالم صبح ابوقايدة	Safaa Salem Sbh Aboqaidah	female	45	1979-03-12
صفاء عبدالرزاق خليل عياش	Safaa Abdalrzaq Khalil Aiish	female	46	1977-02-27
صفاء عبدالجواد محمد ابوراس	Safaa Abdul-jawad Muhammad Aburas	female	48	1975-07-26
صفاء احمد خليل اسماعيل	Safaa Ahmed Khalil Ismail	female	49	1974-08-19
صفا عبد الرؤوف عايش اللحام	Safa Abd Arraouf Ayesh Allham	female	49	1974-06-20
صفاء صبحى سلمان سويدان	Safaa Sbha Salman Suwaidan	female	51	1972-03-15
صفا حسن محمد ابوسخيل	Safa Hassan Muhammad Aboskhil	female	59	1964-04-12
صفاء مصطفي حسن الدن	Safaa Mustfi Hassan Aldn	female	70	1953-04-24
صفا محمد عبدالله درغام	Safa Muhammad Abdullah Drgham	female	73	1950-01-01
صفاء واكد وهدان أبو عقلين	Safaa Wakd Whadan Abu Aqlain	female	82	1941-08-10

Maya Angelou famously said, “I come as one, but I stand as 10,000.” I used to imagine that meant I carried with me everywhere my late grandparents, aunts, uncles, and ancestors, as well as loved ones who were still alive but not near me. But since 2023, I’ve carried Safas in Gaza everywhere with me, guiding my big decisions and feeling the weight of responsibility to live.